Interpersonal Behavior

🧠 Social Psychology: How We Connect, Help, Love & Sometimes Hurt

Imagine you’re at a playground. Some kids share their toys, some push others, some become best friends, and some just watch. Why do we act so differently with each other? Let’s explore the fascinating world of how humans behave together!

🌪️ AGGRESSION: When People Hurt Others

What Is Aggression?

Think of aggression like a thunderstorm inside a person. It’s when someone does or says something to hurt another person on purpose.

Simple Examples:

• A kid hitting another kid to get a toy = Physical aggression
• Someone spreading mean rumors = Verbal aggression
• Ignoring someone to make them feel bad = Relational aggression

Real Life:

• Road rage when drivers yell at each other
• Cyberbullying on social media
• Countries going to war

📚 THEORIES OF AGGRESSION: Why Do People Get Aggressive?

1. The Instinct Theory (Born This Way?)

Imagine every person has a tiny “anger tank” inside them. This theory says we’re born with aggression—it’s part of being human, like breathing!

Think of it like: A balloon that slowly fills with air. Eventually, it needs to let some air out or it pops!

2. The Frustration-Aggression Hypothesis

Simple Rule: When you can’t get what you want → You get frustrated → Frustration can turn into aggression

Example:

• You’re hungry and the vending machine eats your money
• You can’t reach it, can’t get a refund
• You kick the machine! 💢

graph TD
    A["🎯 Goal Blocked"] --> B["😤 Frustration"]
    B --> C{What happens?}
    C --> D["😡 Aggression"]
    C --> E["😢 Give Up"]
    C --> F["🔄 Try Again"]

3. Social Learning Theory (Monkey See, Monkey Do!)

Kids learn aggression by watching others! This was proven by the famous Bobo Doll Experiment.

The Story:

• Kids watched adults punch and kick a big inflatable doll
• Later, the kids did THE SAME THING to the doll!
• Kids who watched calm adults? They played peacefully.

Real Life:

• Kids who see violence at home may become aggressive
• Video games and movies CAN influence behavior
• Good news: We can also LEARN kindness the same way!

4. The Biology Factor

Sometimes aggression comes from our bodies:

• Testosterone = The “action hormone” (more = sometimes more aggressive)
• Brain damage = Can change personality
• Alcohol = Removes our “stop and think” filter

💝 PROSOCIAL BEHAVIOR: When People Help Others

What Is Prosocial Behavior?

It’s the opposite of aggression! Prosocial behavior is doing things that help others without expecting anything back.

Think of it like: Being a real-life superhero without the cape!

Examples:

• Sharing your lunch with someone who forgot theirs
• Helping an elderly person carry groceries
• Donating to charity
• Volunteering at an animal shelter

Why Do People Help?

👀 THE BYSTANDER EFFECT: Why Crowds Don’t Help

The Shocking Story of Kitty Genovese

In 1964, a woman named Kitty was attacked outside her apartment. Reports said 38 neighbors heard her screams but NOBODY called the police!

Wait, why wouldn’t people help?

The Bystander Effect Explained

Simple Rule: The MORE people around → The LESS likely anyone helps!

Why does this happen?

graph TD
    A["🚨 Emergency!"] --> B["You notice it"]
    B --> C{Is it really<br>an emergency?}
    C -->|Others calm| D["😕 Maybe not..."]
    C -->|Others worried| E["😰 Yes!"]
    E --> F{Whose job<br>to help?}
    F -->|Many people here| G["👥 Someone else will..."]
    F -->|Only me here| H["🦸 I must help!"]

The 3 Reasons No One Helps

1. Diffusion of Responsibility

   • “Someone else will call 911”
   • More people = Less personal responsibility

2. Pluralistic Ignorance

   • Everyone looks calm
   • You think: “Maybe it’s not serious?”
   • But EVERYONE is thinking the same thing!

3. Evaluation Apprehension

   • Fear of looking stupid
   • “What if I’m wrong and embarrass myself?”

Good News: Now that you KNOW this, you can break the spell! In emergencies, point at ONE person and say: “YOU! Call 911!”

🤝 FACTORS IN HELPING: What Makes People Help?

When Are People MORE Likely to Help?

The Good Samaritan Study

Researchers told students to hurry across campus. On the way, they passed someone who seemed hurt.

Result:

• Students in NO hurry: 63% stopped to help
• Students in a RUSH: Only 10% helped!

Lesson: Slow down to notice others’ needs!

💕 ATTRACTION: Why We Like Some People

What Makes Someone Attractive?

Think of attraction like a magnet. Some things pull people together!

The 5 Magnets of Attraction

1. 📍 Proximity (Being Close)

Simple Rule: We like people we see often!

Example: Your best friends are usually:

• Neighbors
• Classmates
• Coworkers

Why? The brain likes familiar things = SAFE things!

2. 👀 Physical Attractiveness

Yes, looks matter (at first). But what’s “attractive”?

• Symmetry = Face looks balanced
• Averageness = Features close to “average” are seen as beautiful
• Health signals = Clear skin, bright eyes

But here’s the twist: Personality changes how attractive someone looks over time!

3. 🔄 Similarity

“Birds of a feather flock together!”

We like people who are similar in:

• Values and beliefs
• Interests and hobbies
• Background and education
• Sense of humor

4. 💞 Reciprocity

Simple Rule: We like people who like US!

When someone shows they like you:

• It boosts your confidence
• It feels rewarding
• You start liking them back!

5. 🎭 The Matching Hypothesis

People tend to pair up with others who are similarly attractive.

Think of it like: Finding someone in your “league”

❤️ LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS: The Deep Connections

Sternberg’s Triangle of Love

Imagine love as a triangle with 3 sides:

graph TD
    A["💕 INTIMACY<br>Closeness & Connection"]
    B["🔥 PASSION<br>Physical & Emotional Intensity"]
    C["💍 COMMITMENT<br>Decision to Stay Together"]
    A --- B
    B --- C
    C --- A

7 Types of Love

Attachment Styles (How We Love Based on Childhood)

🎢 RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS: How Relationships Work

The Social Exchange Theory

Relationships are like a bank account!

• Deposits = Good things (compliments, help, fun times)
• Withdrawals = Bad things (arguments, hurt, neglect)

Rule: If withdrawals > deposits → Relationship fails

Equity Theory

Both people should give AND receive roughly equally.

Imbalanced relationships:

• One person gives everything, other takes → Resentment
• Fair balance → Happiness!

The Four Horsemen of Relationship Doom

Psychologist John Gottman found 4 behaviors that DESTROY relationships:

graph TD
    A["🐴 CRITICISM<br>Attacking character"] --> E["💔 Relationship<br>Problems"]
    B["🐴 CONTEMPT<br>Disrespect & mockery"] --> E
    C["🐴 DEFENSIVENESS<br>Never taking blame"] --> E
    D["🐴 STONEWALLING<br>Shutting down completely"] --> E

How Relationships Grow (and End)

Stages of Growing Together:

1. Initiation → “Hi!” First contact
2. Experimenting → Getting to know each other
3. Intensifying → “We” instead of “I”
4. Integration → Lives merge
5. Bonding → Public commitment

Stages of Growing Apart:

1. Differentiating → “I need space”
2. Circumscribing → Less deep talks
3. Stagnating → Going through motions
4. Avoiding → Pulling away
5. Terminating → Goodbye

🌟 THE BIG PICTURE

graph TD
    A["👤 Individual"] --> B{Interacts with Others}
    B --> C["😡 Aggression"]
    B --> D["💝 Helping"]
    B --> E["💕 Attraction"]
    B --> F["❤️ Love"]
    C --> G["Theories explain WHY"]
    D --> H["Bystander effect<br>Factors in helping"]
    E --> I["Proximity, Similarity<br>Reciprocity"]
    F --> J["Types of love<br>Attachment styles"]
    J --> K["Relationship Dynamics"]

🎯 Key Takeaways

1. Aggression is learned AND biological—but we can learn peace too!
2. The Bystander Effect is real—be the one who takes action!
3. Helping increases when we’re happy, not rushed, and feel capable
4. Attraction follows patterns: proximity, similarity, reciprocity
5. Love has different ingredients: intimacy, passion, commitment
6. Healthy relationships need balance, respect, and good communication

“We are not enemies, but friends. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.” — Abraham Lincoln

You now understand the hidden forces that shape how humans connect, help, and love. Use this knowledge to build better relationships and be the helper, not the bystander! 🚀